alpinewriter:

one-time-i-dreamt:

I was hanging around at my boyfriend’s place (in hindsight he was probably Satan) and we were just chilling, doing normal things, when a long, sleek, black car pulled up outside of his house. My boyfriend, suddenly very nervous and twitchy, told me to go and hide in the closet. When I asked him what was up, he just told me it was a “work associate” so I went and did as he said. I peeked a little bit out of the closet to see who this person was. I wanted to see who could possibly get my boyfriend, the actual Devil, to tremble in fear. And lo and behold, it was Ted Cruz.

Reflections on this post:

1. I need to read URLs.

2. “in hindsight he was probably Satan” may be the single greatest hook to a story that I’ve ever seen.

3. The levels of stress and suspense that occur in the rising action here rival that of some of the greatest survival horror works that exist on this earth.

4. “And lo and behold, it was Ted Cruz” is probably the only sentence that could make the conclusion to this story more terrifying, and ended the story in a way far superior to anything my own sense of dread could have come up with.

(via ejacutastic)

skywalkerstyle:

So I’ve decided to remake the Elder Scrolls god pantheon with modern gods

Beyoncé - Akatosh, Dragon God of Time and Chief God of the pantheon

Beyoncé exists outside of time and being chief god goes without saying.

Lorde - Arkay, God of the Cycle of Life and Death

“Every night, I live and die.“ She said it herself.

Nicki Minaj - Dibella, God of Beauty and Sexual Desire

I mean, who embodies beauty and sexual desire quite like Nicki Minaj?

Britney Spears - Julianos, God of Wisdom

Listen. Nobody knows the highs and lows of this world like Britney does. Wisdom comes with experience.

Ariana Grande - Kynareth, God of the Air and Sky

This girl is the incarnation of being lighter than air.

Kesha - Mara, God of Love and Compassion

If you disagree then go and listen to Rainbow until you see the error of your ways.

Dua Lipa - Stendarr, God of Justice and Righteous Rule

I mean what is Dua Lipa known for if not her legendary rules

Dolly Parton - Zenithar, God of Work and Commerce

Aunt Dolly has a healthy appreciation for a 9-5 work day she knows what’s good.

Carly Rae Jepsen - Talos, Hero-God of Mankind

Because she is.

(via usetheforce3434)

puckconnolly:

Everyone may *think* they hate country music, but when Jolene, Before He Cheats, Take Me Home Country Roads, or Life is a Highway comes on, everyone is suddenly a liar.

(via usetheforce3434)

peachy-baby-witch:

therestlesswitch:

ego-crisis:

having-a-crush-is-fun:

howdydo-bitches:

pandorasbeautifulbox:

halosydne:

sixpenceee:

I hope love, health, inner peace, strong friendships and wealth find you in 2019!

I hope patience and perseverance finds you in 2019

I hope tranquility and fullness finds you in 2019

I hope those good things you’ve been hoping for show themselves in 2019

I hope you’ll get the support and caring you need in 2019

I hope love, health and abundance of only positive things finds you in 2019

I hope satisfaction and fulfillment find you in 2019

I hope healing and joy finds you in 2019

(via sixpenceee)

peteseeger:

(via ruinedchildhood)

ruinedchildhood:

[Retweet]

(via thebestoftumbling)